I’m back.

I ate. Then I felt bad. So I ate some more. Then I felt worse. Get the idea?

I woke up this morning crazy philly cheesesteak from last night. Cuz it was there. And I told myself I would do it. Once I got to the kitchen and noticed that the cheese grater was dirty, I thought about what I was doing. So I had potatoes with onions, peppers, and mushrooms instead (5.5 points).

I’m back.

I gained 2.2 pounds since last week. It could have been a lot worse. I’m actually shocked that it’s not more. I guess I did still make some ok choices throughout the week. I don’t think I deal with stress well. That’s not something I learned in my life, and it’s hard to learn it now. A friend said to me yesterday, “it’s interesting that we teach our children that drinking is a viable coping method but loving someone is not.” The same goes for eating. We don’t want to get others involved in our problems or express concerns for a variety of reasons. One of my favorite reasons is that I don’t want to admit that I’m stressed or have any sort of negative emotion in fear that I will look stupid. So I eat. And I eat. And I keep eating until I’m so full that I can’t eat anymore without throwing up. Sometimes I eat more anyway.

In an attempt to cope with my stress in other ways than eating, I’m sharing with you the things that stressed me out last week:
My grandfather is still in the hospital.
I started a new job.
I couldn’t exercise because of my tendinitis.
My husband focusing on his homework and not having much me time.
My truck’s been acting up lately, so I need to take it to my mechanic.
Thursday marked the four year anniversary of my father’s death. He was my best friend.

I feel a little better today. Music helps me, so I’m listening to it. I made it through the first week at my new job, and it’s not bad. I’m deciding what to do about the tendinitis situation. There is a water aerobics class near my house, but I think I’m going to walk to and from work instead. It only takes me five minutes to drive there, so walking won’t take that long. It also allows me to not drive my truck until I get time next Saturday to bring it to my mechanic. Even though my grandpa is still in the hospital, he’s in good spirits. If he’s still there next weekend, I think my mom and I are going to go see him. He’s in Seattle, so we can’t do it during the week. I miss my dad always, but less these days. I’m learning to deal with my grief. It’s still hard, though, because his passing is still so fresh in my mind. I saw him take his last breath. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. PDub is taking a math/physics class and it’s kicking his ass. I knew this quarter would be hard, and I’m being selfish by wanting him to focus more of his attention on me. In just five weeks, he’ll be done and have more time. I can’t wait that long. Besides, he’s making time for me in little ways, and I appreciate it.

This week my focus is totally on what to eat during the day. Even when I bring food to work, I’m starving when I get home, and I’m not eating enough points during the day. And I need to eat more fruits and vegetables. AND I need to bring water to work. And take a multivitamin. All of these things will not only give me more control over my life, but also help me feel better.

Thank you, all of you, who support me and are on this journey with me. It’s tough. If I didn’t have you, I’d probably give up. But you’re here and I appreciate you more than anything. So thank you for saving me. You’re all angels.


2 Responses to “I’m back.”

  1. robfitness Says:

    I am so glad you’re back and going at it some more. It’s not always easy but in the long run the rewards are well worth it. We all have our ups and downs, our good eating days and our bad eating days. That is all part of the journey we are on. We sometimes take a detour but ultimately we get back on track and continue forward as your are doing.
    Thanks for adding me to your Facebook. It’s another great tool as well. You are doing fine Sarah, you truly are 🙂 I am proud of what you are doing and how you are recognizing what you do wrong. Keep it up.

  2. Teresa Says:

    Oh gees, I am sorry you are having a tough time. I am one who finds myself eating when I am stressed. It’s a really hard thing to break, but you can do it. I find if I exercise regularly it helps, but not always. You’ll do better tomorrow. I just know it!

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