Another Triumph

I made it to the gym again today. Not only did I make it to the gym, I did 1 hour of cardio and did legs. Damn, it felt good. So I left the gym with a text message from my bestie telling me that we’re not going walking today. I wasn’t surprised, hence going to the gym. Fifteen minutes later I’m home and get another text. We are going, after all. I could have said no. I could have said I’m too tired. I could have stayed home in bed all day because PDub was in school and who would know? But I didn’t.


And we walked. We usually only walk half the lake (~2 miles), because we’re lazy and I never feel like it. I always convince myself that half is enough. Not today. Today we walked all four miles. It took us two hours, but we walked all four. I was SO EXHAUSTED at the end and my muscles are getting sore now, but it felt good to push myself.

I always wanted to be a runner. I was also always fat. Running, I thought, was totally out of the question. Ever. I was remember in the car today on the way to the gym that my mom used to tell me I had a big rib cage. She always told me I wouldn’t get that small, even if I lost weight. She also told me that my hair was too curly to ever get long. Apparently, I believed her. Today while walking the lake I thought a lot about running. How it feels. How much I want it. I know I will not run a mile overnight. I also know that I am scared of running. That’s right. I’m scared. I’m scared I will fail. I’m scared my fat will bounce too much and call attention to me. I’m scared that I will like it. Fat people are not supposed to like to run.

This is my life. I have control. I had control the whole time I was gaining weight this last year. I just decided not to care. I can be a runner. I can keep walking, then begin to run, even if it is only for five seconds. I can do it when I’m ready. I can be ready sooner rather than later. I don’t have to not be a runner. I don’t have to be fat. I’m choosing to lose weight. I’m choosing to be healthier. I’m choosing to run.

This is what I’ve been thinking about all day.


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