A New Day. A New Start.

January 17, 2010

Each day is a chance to do something different. Yesterday I was doing my make up to go out with a friend, and I noticed something…my face has gotten fatter. I haven’t been to the gym for quite a while. I definitely have not been trying to eat less or healthier. And now it’s showing. I could ignore it. I could continue on the way I’ve been going and just keeping getting bigger. Or I could take a look at my life and make some changes. Change is really been my way of life since May. PDub and I split, I moved, grandpa passed away, I met J, now I’m moving in with him. I am in a good place in my life. Change to my exercise and eating can really go well. J supports me, and would like to get in a little better shape himself (even though he’s already amazingly sexy). He loves EVERYTHING I cook for him, never complains, and always compliments me.

So here’s the plan: I’m at J’s house until Tuesday morning. I have Tuesday until Friday to pack up all my stuff and be ready to move. Friday after work I come back down to J’s and we go up to my place together on Saturday morning to start moving stuff. Officially I’ll be moved in on Saturday. After the weekend, I’m going to go to the gym after work Monday through Friday. I still have a membership at a gym near my work, and I don’t think my membership expires until the summer sometime. The weekends I will work out in the gym at our apartments (it’s pretty nice) or take a walk if it’s nice. I’m going to take of a day a week, and probably sometimes two. When I made it a priority, I actually really enjoyed going to the gym. And J bought me an mp3 player for xmas, so now I really can listen to some great music at the gym.

I’m going to start following Weight Watchers again, because I know it works great for me. I complain that it costs $17 a month, but seriously, it’s worth it. I LOVE that J loves chicken breasts and doesn’t eat much meat, because it helps me cook healthier food. Chicken each night. Maybe one night a week beef or pork.

This can work. I feel good about it.


The Week At A Glance

May 10, 2009

Sunday- Curry rice noodles with lite coconut milk and veggies, all natural sausages with whole grain buns (trader joe’s)
Monday- Grilled hamburgers with all the fixings, low-fat potato salad with fresh eggs, green salad
Tuesday- Korean beef stew with stir fried veggies and rice
Wednesday- Steamed shrimp, baked potatoes with fat free sour cream and chives, green beans
Thursday- Baked polenta with mozzarella (YUM!), tomato sauce, green salad, chicken breast for PDub
Friday- Dinner out with DW for her birthday (we’re having mexican)
Saturday- Quinoa stuffed bell peppers with goat cheese, sauteed veggies

Lavish bread, chicken breast, laughing cow sandwich rolls with lots of veggies; cottage cheese; fruit
I bought PDub sandwich fixings-light mayo, mustard, lettuce, tomato, onions, black forest ham, cheddar cheese, sprouted grain bread; kettle chips (in moderation); fruit; veggies with dip

Leftovers from the night before. Seriously. I’ve come to terms with the fact that I love dinner for breakfast. Making healthy, balanced dinners means I have healthy, balanced breakfasts. AND I’ll be eating food that will keep me full for most of the morning.

Fruit or veggies in the morning. Oatmeal with unsweetened soy milk in the afternoon.

My muscles are getting stronger. I can tell around my abdomen and I can suck in a lot more. I’m pleased. Slowly, I’m getting back on track. I’m doing what I need to do. Oh, and my pet rabbit died. We’re really sad. We don’t have kids, so she was like our daughter. I’m depressed, but trying not to eat my way through it. She died of old age, but had a good life in our home. I know she’s in a better place now.


April 26, 2009

I almost deleted this blog today. I’m embarrassed and ashamed. I feel sorry for myself. So, I would delete it. The evidence of my botched weight loss journey would be gone forever. No one would notice. No one would care. Except me. I’m figuring out, at almost 26, that I am the most important person on this journey. Words on a page may be deleted, but my memory will remain. Forever.

I didn’t delete it. Instead, I decided I would own my triumphs and failures, find my balance, and get back on my feet again.

Let’s be honest–the last couple weeks have been terrible, food wise. I’ve been going to the gym often, lifting weights and doing cardio, but my food intake has increased and really gone off the deep end. I went to Trader Joe’s yesterday for groceries, thinking it would help to see so many healthy options in one place. My wonderful husband was busy painting a house, so I told him I’d bring him lunch. I could have brought him veggies and a sandwich or even a premade wrap from TJ’s. Nope. Instead, I brought him (and myself) Burger King. That’s right. Greasy, high fat, chemically ridden fast food. To make matters worse, I really wanted Starbucks afterwards. I decided I didn’t want to spend five dollars on a frap, so I would make one at home. I bought two bottles of whip cream (buy one, get one free), and I needed something sweet to go with it. I bought a pack of cookies from the bakery, something I don’t think I’ve ever done and will never do again. Gross. Instant heartburn.

The trip to Trader Joe’s really prompted me to start meal planning again. My problem is that I don’t plan, and then I don’t eat well. I get up late, rush around the house before work, and don’t have time for healthy breakfast or lunch. It’s “easier” to go to the drive thru than eat healthy. But not anymore. Easy or not, my life is for me. If I don’t shape up, I’m wasting it. So here is the plan for this week:
Sunday: Homemade pizza (mushroom, zucchini, spinach, goat cheese, basil) and salad
Monday: Quinoa stuffed bell peppers
Tues: Chicken breasts and veggies
Wed: Polenta with tomatoes
Thurs: Potato chowder
Fri: Oven roasted squash and veggies with chicken
Sat: Pesto pasta salad

I haven’t used my Weight Watchers tracker for at least a couple months. My goal today (Sunday) is writing up recipes and figuring out points for all of my meals, so I can plan the rest of my meals around it. I really think this will work. I’m cleaning the house today, too, so that will give me some exercise.

I will continue to post on here, working through this lull in loss and working back to where I was–on track for Portland Marathon 2010!

Checking In

April 19, 2009

It’s been a while. A long while. I’m still not that great with dealing with life, but I’m trying. I’ve taken a break from blogging because, frankly, I’ve just been too overwhelmed with everything else that’s going on. It’s a beautiful day today. We went fishing with a friend, and it was great. I didn’t catch anything, but got a good bite. My husband finished college and got a part time job. It’s great!! He’s also doing some rental maintenance work, so that’s great too. Life is looking up again.

As far as this journey I’m on, I’m ok. I’ve been going to the gym on a much more regular basis, so I feel good about that. I’m getting some muscle tone back and more strength. I make sure I do atleast 30 minutes of cardio every time I go. My knee has been ok. My eating, though, has been pretty terrible. High fat, high carbs. I did this fast and felt GREAT, but then jumped right back in to my old habits. Sucks.

So my focus today is cleaning my bedroom and the kitchen and really planning my meals for the next week. I can do this. I am doing it. Oh, and we’re getting a pool for the backyard. So I better start looking good for swimming!

A week in review

March 29, 2009

Fasting is the best thing I could have done for myself. Many sources suggest that a person could benefit from fasting every six months. I’m definitely going to do it. My body doesn’t hurt. I have more energy. I’m sleeping better. All signs I’m doing things right.

Now that the fast is over, I’m trying to eat mostly raw, whole foods. I’ve lost a total of 10.8 pounds since I started this journey, and I’m really feeling good about it. I’m back at the gym at least five days a week, doing 30-45 min of elliptical (NO knee pain!) and some weights. I’m getting smaller. I can feel it. Thank God.

So things are going ok. I feel good. When I don’t want to go to the gym I remind myself that I need to go if I wanna be that smaller girl I dream about. I go. And one day, I’ll become that girl of my dreams.

The Fast Starts Tomorrow

March 22, 2009

PDub and I went to the beach this weekend. Just for one night. But it was Heaven.  We really needed the break. On the way home I realized that I just don’t feel good. I ache. I’m bloated. I’m tired. I just feel icky. My system needs a reboot.

The fast starts tomorrow.

I’ve never tried to detox or cleanse before, but it seems like a really good idea. My body really just needs a break- some time to relax and get rid of all the garbage inside of it. I’m going to juice fast for eight days. Then rest for three. Then eat 3/4 whole raw foods for 10. After that, it’s on to healthy, mostly whole foods. And lots of water, vitamins, and exercise.

Right now, I’m not focused on losing weight. I’m focusing on getting healthy and not hurting so much. I just want to feel better.

That’s all for now. Thanks for listening. Thanks for your support.

Love Conquers All: An Update

March 11, 2009

I’ve been gone for a while. I won’t pretend that I’m good or even trying to be good at dealing with the curveballs we face in life. I’m not. I’m actually really terrible at it. I fall apart at the drop of a hat. These last couple of months have been really hard for me. I want to say it was just a bad time to try to turn my life in the right direction. But that’s just an excuse. We all know that we can’t predict the future. We can’t predict tomorrow or next week. All we can do is live now, today, hopefully impacting our futures in the ways we anticipate.

That said, I’m here again, hopefully for a long time. But at least for today. I thought a lot about the journey I’m on. How it’s impacting my life. How my life is impacting it. A girl at work the other day said she’s going to start her diet. I thought, it’s not a diet to me. It’s my life. And I need to live it well.

I never went to swim aerobics. I was scared, and kept making all of these convenient excuses not to go. So I didn’t. Then I started eating a bunch of crap, because I was depressed, and it’s ok. Then I would feel guilty. I still lost, so I didn’t think much about it, other than it’s probably not good for me. Heartburn is my body’s way of telling me that I’m not eating well. It’s screaming at me to stop. Instead, I just down some Maalox and keep on plowing through.

I haven’t been sleeping well. My face is breaking out from acne. I have hives. And now I have a cold that made me too sick to go to work today. My body is upset, my heart hurts emotionally, and I just keep thinking of all the sadness in the world. I jump out of bed an hour before I need to be at work, but I’m so slow that I never make enough time to eat anything healthy. I hardly ever cook dinner anymore, because after work I’m just exhausted again. I’m happy to have a job, but I’m just not managing my time well each day.

So I have some solutions. I’m going to really pay attention to what I need to succeed each day. Making breakfast the night before or planning to have options ready is something I should do each day. Following the good health guidelines will also be helpful, especially with taking my vitamins and drinking enough water. Snacking at work is no good. We have tons of chips and candy and goodies around all the time. If I have pre-made snacks ready to go, I will be more likely to grab them to take with me than find myself starving at 10am. I already have healthy frozen meals, so I can bring those for lunches.

So that’s it. We get back on the horse and keep riding. Until we stop. Or until we make it. But however long it is, I’m on the path to success.

So Much Sadness

February 21, 2009

Three people close to my heart have passed away.

Kevin Greear, husband to one of the most amazing and strongest women I have ever known, was hit by a tree he was cutting down at his house. He died Thursday, February 12.

Erik Anderson, fellow runner and Turtle Dasher, died suddenly in a bowling alley while teaching at Spokane Community College on February 19.

Gayle Sieler, fabulous mother to one of my very best friends, died suddenly today in her yard.

I pray that my father is showing them the ropes in Heaven. So much sadness. So much pain. Pray for their families. Pray for yours.

I’m an A-D-D-I-C-T.

February 11, 2009

It’s true. As I was reading the secret confessionals on Jason’s blog, it dawned on me that I, too, am probably an addict. So I did some research. Yes, I am definitely addicted to food. My unhealthy relationship with it is slowing my journey to a healthier life. And I’m not dealing with it at. all. So, I’m joining FAA. I’m always preaching that if what you’re doing on your own isn’t working, you should consult others. Now it’s time to take my own advice.

I’m back.

February 8, 2009

I ate. Then I felt bad. So I ate some more. Then I felt worse. Get the idea?

I woke up this morning crazy philly cheesesteak from last night. Cuz it was there. And I told myself I would do it. Once I got to the kitchen and noticed that the cheese grater was dirty, I thought about what I was doing. So I had potatoes with onions, peppers, and mushrooms instead (5.5 points).

I’m back.

I gained 2.2 pounds since last week. It could have been a lot worse. I’m actually shocked that it’s not more. I guess I did still make some ok choices throughout the week. I don’t think I deal with stress well. That’s not something I learned in my life, and it’s hard to learn it now. A friend said to me yesterday, “it’s interesting that we teach our children that drinking is a viable coping method but loving someone is not.” The same goes for eating. We don’t want to get others involved in our problems or express concerns for a variety of reasons. One of my favorite reasons is that I don’t want to admit that I’m stressed or have any sort of negative emotion in fear that I will look stupid. So I eat. And I eat. And I keep eating until I’m so full that I can’t eat anymore without throwing up. Sometimes I eat more anyway.

In an attempt to cope with my stress in other ways than eating, I’m sharing with you the things that stressed me out last week:
My grandfather is still in the hospital.
I started a new job.
I couldn’t exercise because of my tendinitis.
My husband focusing on his homework and not having much me time.
My truck’s been acting up lately, so I need to take it to my mechanic.
Thursday marked the four year anniversary of my father’s death. He was my best friend.

I feel a little better today. Music helps me, so I’m listening to it. I made it through the first week at my new job, and it’s not bad. I’m deciding what to do about the tendinitis situation. There is a water aerobics class near my house, but I think I’m going to walk to and from work instead. It only takes me five minutes to drive there, so walking won’t take that long. It also allows me to not drive my truck until I get time next Saturday to bring it to my mechanic. Even though my grandpa is still in the hospital, he’s in good spirits. If he’s still there next weekend, I think my mom and I are going to go see him. He’s in Seattle, so we can’t do it during the week. I miss my dad always, but less these days. I’m learning to deal with my grief. It’s still hard, though, because his passing is still so fresh in my mind. I saw him take his last breath. I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. PDub is taking a math/physics class and it’s kicking his ass. I knew this quarter would be hard, and I’m being selfish by wanting him to focus more of his attention on me. In just five weeks, he’ll be done and have more time. I can’t wait that long. Besides, he’s making time for me in little ways, and I appreciate it.

This week my focus is totally on what to eat during the day. Even when I bring food to work, I’m starving when I get home, and I’m not eating enough points during the day. And I need to eat more fruits and vegetables. AND I need to bring water to work. And take a multivitamin. All of these things will not only give me more control over my life, but also help me feel better.

Thank you, all of you, who support me and are on this journey with me. It’s tough. If I didn’t have you, I’d probably give up. But you’re here and I appreciate you more than anything. So thank you for saving me. You’re all angels.